In what feels like day 9 gajillion of this lock down/quarantine/social distancing way of life, I am admitting to really struggling with anxiety and depression. I don’t do well with uncertainty. And not knowing when I am going back to work is weighing heavily on me. It’s causing me all sorts of sleep disturbance issues, increased pain levels, depression, fear – etc. MMJ helps — to an extent. I really just want some level of normal to return. The weather hasn’t been that great, either. Rain – cold – ick. Heck, we had snow a couple days ago – snow!! SNOW!!! IN MAY!!!!! 2020 is really just the year of the suck. It’s emotionally draining just to wake up in the morning. I have watched almost every episode of Criminal Minds, Law & Order: SVU, and The Walking Dead since March 18.
In a week, courts in CT will have been closed for two months. I’m still receiving my base salary. We have a no lay off clause in our contract, so we are getting paid to be home, because the government shut down is not our doing. Yay for being a government employee. The courts are doing what they call Priority 1 cases – basically arraignments and emergency family hearings. But, not much else. Most things are being done by phone. And that means they aren’t coming into the courtrooms. No need for the court reporter when you aren’t coming into the courtroom.
I don’t like this new normal.
This afternoon, we’re getting a huge set of thunderstorms. My pain level is high. My fatigue levels are high. This weekend – Saturday – looks like a good day. Sunny – 75*. I’m going out on the bike. Come hell or high water, I am going out on the bike. I can finally put my boots on. One toe is still really swollen, but manageable in my flat boots.
I think I will end this post now. I’m struggling – and I don’t do well when I’m struggling. I’m going to close my eyes for a little while. I have an online meeting tonight for the group that I ride with. I will talk about them in future posts. I am not a full member yet, so I don’t want to say anything.
That’s all for today!!
Everything Is Better With Budder! 